Local Barbie Dolls
I came across this on the NewOrleans.General newsfeed and found it too funny not to pass on.
Mattel recently announced the release of 11 limited-edition Barbie Dolls
for the New Orleans market:
Slidell Barbie
This princess Barbie is sold only at North Shore Mall. She comes with an
assortment of Kate Spade Handbags, a Lexus SUV, a long-haired foreign dog
named Honey and a cookie-cutter house. Available with or without tummy tuck
and face lift. Workaholic Ken sold only in conjunction with an augmented
version.
Kenner Barbie
The modern day homemaker Barbie is available with Ford Windstar Minivan and
matching gym outfit. She gets lost easily and has no full-time occupation
or secondary education. Traffic jamming cell phone sold separately.
Treme Barbie
This recently paroled Barbie comes with a 9mm handgun, a Ray Lewis knife, a
Chevy with dark tinted windows, and a Meth Lab Kit. This model is only
available after dark and must be paid for in cash (preferably small,
untraceable bills) ...unless you are a cop, then we don't know what you are
talking about.
Uptown Barbie
This yuppie Barbie comes with your choice of BMW convertible or Hummer H2.
Included are her own Starbucks cup, credit card and country club membership.
Also available for this set are Shallow Ken and Private School Skipper. You
won't be able to afford any of them.
Chalmette Barbie
This pale model comes dressed in her own Wrangler jeans two sizes too small,
a NASCAR t-shirt and tweety bird tattoo on her shoulder. She has a six-pack
of Bud light and a Hank Williams Jr. CD set. She can spit over 5 feet and
kick mullet-haired Ken's butt when she is drunk. Purchase her pickup truck
separately and get a confederate flag bumper sticker absolutely free.
Garden District Barbie
This collagen injected, rhinoplastic Barbie wears a leopard print outfit and
drinks cosmopolitans while entertaining friends. Percocet prescription
available.
Westwego Barbie
This tobacco-chewing, brassy-haired Barbie has a pair of her own high-heeled
sandals with one broken heel from the time she chased beer-gutted Ken out of
Gretna Barbie's house. Her ensemble includes low-rise acid-washed jeans,
fake fingernails, and a see-through halter-top. Also available with a
mobile home.
Warehouse District Barbie
This doll is made of actual tofu. She has long straight brown hair, arch
less feet, hairy armpits, no makeup and Birkenstocks with white socks. She
prefers that you call her Willow. She does not want or need a Ken doll, but
if you purchase two Warehouse District Barbies and the optional Subaru
wagon, you get a rainbow flag bumper sticker for free.
Algiers Barbie
This Barbie now comes with a stroller and infant doll. Optional accessories
include a GED and bus pass. Gangsta Ken and his 1979 Caddy were available,
but are now very difficult to find since the addition of the infant.
Old Metairie Barbie
She's perfect in every way. We don't know where Ken is because he's always
hunting.
French Quarter Barbie/Ken
This versatile doll can be easily converted from Barbie to Ken by simply
adding or subtracting the multiple snap-on parts.
Be good to yourself,
Westley Annis
westley@da-parish.com
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posted by Westley at 2/11/2005 03:14:00 PM
